cleaning things
Mar. 4th, 2004 09:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
solipsistnationI sold my old audio workstation on eBay. I didn't get a lot for it, but enough to be worthwhile.
I cleaned a lot of files off of it. While looking through the hard drives, I sound some pictures of myself and my grandfather, who died when I was eight. I was on the farm, feeding baby lambs from a bottle. He's very very old, and appears to be enjoying having a grandson. This was so long ago, and I remember so little, that just looking at the pictures overwrote my real memory with the images.
I was looking at those, and then I remembered this, written by one of his daughters. In that, she refers to this very very old man as "Daddy." I never knew him as anything but old. Here he's 16 and riding a train west with a farm's worth of animals, getting a whipping when the trainmen stole their chickens.
I guess I'm feeling very mortal tonight. Young and old all at once. A little lost. A little sad that all this is slipping away. There's all this life ahead of me still, but are my best years gone? I have these amazing things happening, but there are still things that will never happen again.
There is still music and love and there are strange and beautiful things going on, though. Maybe I only have to be as old as I act. How long will I be able to pull it off, though? I wish I hadn't wasted so much time.
I cleaned a lot of files off of it. While looking through the hard drives, I sound some pictures of myself and my grandfather, who died when I was eight. I was on the farm, feeding baby lambs from a bottle. He's very very old, and appears to be enjoying having a grandson. This was so long ago, and I remember so little, that just looking at the pictures overwrote my real memory with the images.
I was looking at those, and then I remembered this, written by one of his daughters. In that, she refers to this very very old man as "Daddy." I never knew him as anything but old. Here he's 16 and riding a train west with a farm's worth of animals, getting a whipping when the trainmen stole their chickens.
I guess I'm feeling very mortal tonight. Young and old all at once. A little lost. A little sad that all this is slipping away. There's all this life ahead of me still, but are my best years gone? I have these amazing things happening, but there are still things that will never happen again.
There is still music and love and there are strange and beautiful things going on, though. Maybe I only have to be as old as I act. How long will I be able to pull it off, though? I wish I hadn't wasted so much time.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-04 07:04 pm (UTC)I think it's more important to live in, and enjoy, the moment.. whenever you're waiting for, that next piece of life, it's not going to start. What you have is right now.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-04 09:32 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-05 05:18 am (UTC)-xine
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-05 07:15 am (UTC)Well, shoot, do it. It'll be worthwhile.