that there parenting article.
Nov. 29th, 2009 09:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
solipsistnationI am intentionally using an icon with the work "FUCK" in it while discussing parenting. Right.
So there's this article that, like, four hundred people on my friends list linked to today. It's called "Helicopter Parents: The Backlash Against Overparenting" and it hits all the usual hot buttons-- children with every minute of every day planned by their parents, parents who call up teachers to demand they teach Mandarin in kindergarten or who call teachers to complain when their children receive low grades, and so on.
What with the living proof of my virility, the seed of my loins, The Squirminator himself, having reached the ripe age of 2 months and having gained the ability to, you know, look at things and flail his arms, articles like this have become more interesting as I contemplate what the future brings and the choices I will make as I shape him into a reasonable, sensible person. (He gets a pocket knife when he's, say, 6. If he cuts himself on it, he gets to learn how band-aids work. Chances are he'll be more careful after that. And so on. Emphasis on learning how stuff works and what is dangerous and how to be safe with it so he knows how to do things right, rather than just avoiding potential dangers. The more rewarding stuff is almost always more dangerous, anyway. Soldering iron == burny, but also awesome, so don't grab the hot end! Also know where the burn cream is.)
So I hopped from there over to my favoritest video game blog, which has a weekly roundup of videogame and generally interesting cultural articles gathered by my favoritest comicky book writer, Kieron Gillen. He links to another article, Awesome By Proxy: Addicted to Fake Achievement, which addresses another side of parenting-- overpraise.
I'm going to quote a big ol' chunk of it here:
I think it's easy to see where I fall (or would like to fall) on that spectrum, although the allure of performance orientation is strong. (Yeah, I like me some RPGs too, but I detest grinding. That's part of why I liked A Tale In The Desert, where player skill counts MUCH more than character skill for most of the interesting stuff.)
This also ties back into experiences I've had with other people, who, when I've done well at things or have achieved some success, have said "Wow, you're inherently smart," (...I paraphrase) while ignoring the fact that whatever it was I was doing I'd worked my ass off to do, possibly over the course of years or decades.
Doctor Professor, the writer of that article also says this: "When I learned about performance and mastery orientations, I realized with growing horror just what I'd been doing for most of my life. Going through school as a "gifted" kid, most of the praise I'd received had been of the "Wow, you must be smart!" variety. I had very little ability to follow through or persevere, and my grades tended to be either A's or F's, as I either understood things right away (such as, say, calculus) or gave up on them completely (trigonometry)."
Well, okay. That's me right there, more or less. (I understood trig right off but not calculus.) As with Dr. Prof, I've also been retraining myself toward performance orientation, although I don't think I realized what I was doing there. (Playing Thief for completism, or working for ridiculous achievements in other games, as he mentions, or working on figuring out how arduino things work and extending or building them myself.)
Dr. Professor uses that argument against computer RPGs (and he certainly has a point, although I think he's aiming more at Japanese RPGs, which I consider a total waste of time for basically the same reasons he describes-- character skill vs. player skill, performance vs. mastery orientation).
Most importantly, it describes some more things to keep in mind while raising a kid who I really hope will grow up to be interesting and smart and clever.
So there's this article that, like, four hundred people on my friends list linked to today. It's called "Helicopter Parents: The Backlash Against Overparenting" and it hits all the usual hot buttons-- children with every minute of every day planned by their parents, parents who call up teachers to demand they teach Mandarin in kindergarten or who call teachers to complain when their children receive low grades, and so on.
What with the living proof of my virility, the seed of my loins, The Squirminator himself, having reached the ripe age of 2 months and having gained the ability to, you know, look at things and flail his arms, articles like this have become more interesting as I contemplate what the future brings and the choices I will make as I shape him into a reasonable, sensible person. (He gets a pocket knife when he's, say, 6. If he cuts himself on it, he gets to learn how band-aids work. Chances are he'll be more careful after that. And so on. Emphasis on learning how stuff works and what is dangerous and how to be safe with it so he knows how to do things right, rather than just avoiding potential dangers. The more rewarding stuff is almost always more dangerous, anyway. Soldering iron == burny, but also awesome, so don't grab the hot end! Also know where the burn cream is.)
So I hopped from there over to my favoritest video game blog, which has a weekly roundup of videogame and generally interesting cultural articles gathered by my favoritest comicky book writer, Kieron Gillen. He links to another article, Awesome By Proxy: Addicted to Fake Achievement, which addresses another side of parenting-- overpraise.
I'm going to quote a big ol' chunk of it here:
Say you take a person with a performance orientation ("Paul") and a person with a mastery orientation ("Matt"). Give them each an easy puzzle, and they will both do well. Paul will complete it quickly and smile proudly at how well he performed. Matt will complete it quickly and be satisfied that he has mastered the skill involved.
Now give them each a difficult puzzle. Paul will jump in gamely, but it will soon become clear he cannot overcome it as impressively as he did the last one. The opportunity to show off has disappeared, and Paul will lose interest and give up. Matt, on the other hand, when stymied, will push harder. His early failure means there's still something to be learned here, and he will persevere until he does so and solves the puzzle.
While a performance orientation improves motivation for easy challenges, it drastically reduces it for difficult ones. And since most work worth doing is difficult, it is the mastery orientation that is correlated with academic and professional success, as well as self-esteem and long-term happiness.
In childhood, it is remarkably easy to instill one orientation or the other. It all comes down to the type of praise you receive. If you perform well on a task and are told, "Wow, you must be smart!" it teaches you to value your skill, and thus fosters a performance orientation. But if instead you are told, "Wow, you must have worked hard!" it teaches you to value your effort and thus fosters a mastery orientation.
I think it's easy to see where I fall (or would like to fall) on that spectrum, although the allure of performance orientation is strong. (Yeah, I like me some RPGs too, but I detest grinding. That's part of why I liked A Tale In The Desert, where player skill counts MUCH more than character skill for most of the interesting stuff.)
This also ties back into experiences I've had with other people, who, when I've done well at things or have achieved some success, have said "Wow, you're inherently smart," (...I paraphrase) while ignoring the fact that whatever it was I was doing I'd worked my ass off to do, possibly over the course of years or decades.
Doctor Professor, the writer of that article also says this: "When I learned about performance and mastery orientations, I realized with growing horror just what I'd been doing for most of my life. Going through school as a "gifted" kid, most of the praise I'd received had been of the "Wow, you must be smart!" variety. I had very little ability to follow through or persevere, and my grades tended to be either A's or F's, as I either understood things right away (such as, say, calculus) or gave up on them completely (trigonometry)."
Well, okay. That's me right there, more or less. (I understood trig right off but not calculus.) As with Dr. Prof, I've also been retraining myself toward performance orientation, although I don't think I realized what I was doing there. (Playing Thief for completism, or working for ridiculous achievements in other games, as he mentions, or working on figuring out how arduino things work and extending or building them myself.)
Dr. Professor uses that argument against computer RPGs (and he certainly has a point, although I think he's aiming more at Japanese RPGs, which I consider a total waste of time for basically the same reasons he describes-- character skill vs. player skill, performance vs. mastery orientation).
Most importantly, it describes some more things to keep in mind while raising a kid who I really hope will grow up to be interesting and smart and clever.