I gotta make a phone call.

*ribbit*

well!

You can tell a dirty story
in the old conservatory,
but don't go in the basement!
You can make a scene
in the mezzanine,
but don't go in the basement!

You can fill yourself with static
with the ghosts up in the attic,
but don't go in the basement!
You can light yourself a torch
on the old front porch
but don't go in the basement!

Oh you may think that it's real cool
to ride down the bannister like some darn fool,
oh don't
don't
don't
don't
don't go in the basement

Oh you can feel quite aloof
playing rummy on the roof,
but don't go in the basement!
Where the cock-a-roaches dance,
you can wallow in romance
but don't go in the basement!

Oh you may think that it's deluxe
to ride an elevator filled with ducks

Oh, don't
don't
don't
don't
don't go in the basement!

Uh uh!

"My secret subway!"

"Where does it go?"

"To HELL!"

"Oh no, can't go!"

"...but it makes one stop in Miami Beach."